In total, I probably only spent 14 days in his actual physical presence but for almost a year and a half now he has totally consumed my world.
I have devoted hours to reliving, embellishing and analysing the moments we spent together, fantasising about a future we will never share, and masturbating to the most unbelievable sex, that we never exactly had. He was him in many ways, but he mostly just became a reflection of my needs and desires.
My addiction to the drama of him and the intensity of my desire got me thinking about ‘female friendly porn’. I mean this phrase both in the sense of the sexual category that features on porn websites and in the sense of the stereotype that unrealistic romance is the pornography of women.